100 Reasons
by HollyWritesFanfics
Summary: Mabel's been acting strange since Weirdmageddon. Dipper takes notice of this, and finds Mabel doing something he thought he'd never find her doing. With Dippers help, can Mabel overcome her guilt? Can Dipper show her the reason to life? Find out. (WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM)
1. What's the Point?

Hey guys! This is my first fanfic so please dont judge! I'm not exactly sure how this whole format will look either...

Mabels P.O.V

I lay on my bed looking up at the ceiling in my room. I then lift my arm, and pull down the sleeve of my sweater. There I saw scars, along with cuts from not so long ago, going all over my arm. I question when this habit started. Then I remember. It was after Weirdmaggedon.

The whole thing was my fault. If I wasn't so selfish and would've let Dipper be Ford's apprentice, I would've never given Bill the rift. It all went downhill from there. Dipper had to save me. Then when Bill was about to kill me Grunkle Stan had to stop him. Oh how I wish I would've died right there. But no, I live on.

No one knows about this. It's become a habit at this point. At this point my fake smile is my real smile. I don't get the point in existence. What is there to live for? I'm too ashamed as to what Dipper or my Grunkles would think if they ever saw me doing this.

Sometimes I think they'd be better off without me. Other times I think I'm being selfish in only what I want. I want to die. Dipper wouldn't have me holding him back. Grunkle Ford could finally have a mini him. Grunkle Stan wouldn't have to worry about me.

My vision then blurred as I realized I was crying.

Pathetic.

Crying was all I seemed to do these days. I then went to my only refuge. I lifted a broken piece of the wooden floor under my bed. I took out a small box. In it was a picture. A picture of me, Dipper, my Grunkles, Wendy, Soos, and Waddles. In that picture I was smiling. A real smile. Oh how I missed that Mabel.

I then lifted the picture to reveal two knives. They weren't kitchen knives. More like blades. One had some crusty crimson blood on it, while the other one was just cleaned. I took the clean blade out and raised my right hand above my left arm. I thought about what Dipper would think if he saw this. I then shook off the thought and pressed the blade into my skin. It was a burning sensation I had come to know so well.

To me the pain was worth it. Any time I was overwhelmed with emotional pain, I'd use physical pain to make it stop. It was worth it, if it got me to stop thinking about the emotional pain, even for a seocnd, it was worth it. After I made 3 long cuts I put the blade back in the box along with the picture, and put it under the bed again. I covered it with the broken piece of the floor.

I proceeded to go to the bathroom and wash my cuts. I made sure to put the water on as hot as it could go, because it made it sting even more, and made the emotional pain go away for a little longer. Once it stopped bleeding I put my sleeve back over my arm. I then went back into my room.

Some people say that once you find a reason to stop cutting you just stop. That's not the case with me. I think of Dipper. I know he'd be crushed if he found out. That alone should be a reason to stop right? Wrong. The bad outways my good and I find no reason to stop. Besides when any emotional pain comes, even if its a tiny bit of pain, I drown it out with physical pain.

Why can't emotional pain be the same as physical pain? Why can't it eventually heal? Maybe not right away but can't it eventually go away? Why? I ask myself the same thing. Oh well. Dipper's coming up the steps. Time to put on the fake smile...


	2. Adventure

Dipper's P.O.V

Today I woke up earlier than Mabel and went downstairs to eat breakfast. Grunkle Ford was there reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. I proceeded to grab a box of cereal along with some milk. I sat at the same table with Ford.

Then he asked me, "Hey Dipper, there have been random sightings of gnomes lately. I was going to go looking for some so I could add to my journal about them. Would you be interested in joining?"

Hm did I want to help THE AUTHOR OF THE JOURNALS with investigating gnomes. DUH!? I replied, "Really? Yes!" I tried containing my excitement but I could tell it definitely failed. I then thought about Mabel and how she had been acting a little different since Weirdmageddon. It was strange, but its been two months now and Mabel is acting weird. Maybe I should ask Ford if she could come. Yeah! Solving mystieries like we used to!

"Hey, Grunkle Ford, could Mabel come?"

"I don't see why not."

"Great, I'll go ask her!"

"Okay, we're going to leave in about 30 minutes."

"Sounds great!"

I hurried upstairs. I went in to me and Mabels room where I presumed she was. My guess was correct as I opened the door and she was laying on her bed. That was strange... Normally Mabel would be doing some sort of craft... I shrugged it off.

I said, "Mabel, me and Grunkle Ford are gonna investigate more on gnomes in like 30 minutes. Wanna come with us?"

"Oh no thanks Dipper, I was gonna knit Waddles a sweater."

Now that sounded like Mabel.

"You sure? You can knit a sweater for Waddles at any time. I don't know how often you get to investigate gnomes."

"I guess. But if they want me as queen again I'll shoot them with my grappling hook!"

Maybe this was what Mabel needed to get back to her old self. I was happy she agree to come.

"Okay well it's 25 minutes until we leave now, better get ready!"

"Sure thing bro-bro."

I left the room and went to look for my hat.

Mabels P.O.V

Dipper just asked me to go wih him and Grunkle Ford to learn more about gnomes. Lame but maybe it can distract me from my problems. Maybe I was wrong about Dipper and Grunkle Stan and Ford not caring about me. Maybe they WOULD care if I was gone...

 _Who would care that you're gone?_

That voice constantly taunted me and led me up to this point where I cut daily. I tried shutting them out at first but the more I listened, the more it made sense. The more I understood that these voices in my head, were actually right about me.

I am pathetic

I am useless

No one would care if I was gone

I'm not loved

The last one was the most painful, but the one I found to be the most truthful. Dipper would rather go on an adventure with Grunkle Ford. Heck I rarely even spoke to Grunkle Ford. Grunkle Stan wouldn't have to deal with me being annoying anymore. If I was gone he'd probably get rid of Waddles, which would be a dream come true for him.

I shoved my thoughts away as I got dressed for the adventure. I put on my favorite sweater, a pink one with a shooting star on it, and I brought my grappling hook, cause who knows when it could be useful? I then thought that maybe this adventure wouldn't be bad after all. Maybe it would be like good ol' times when me and Dipper fought off the gnomes.

I got pretty excited thinking about our past events that I didn't hear Dipper yelling my name saying it's time to go. I heard his voice and snapped out of my thoughts. I grabbed my grappling hook and ran down the stairs. I felt like this adventure could help me. But deep down, I felt like something terribly wrong was also going to happen.


	3. What now?

Dippers P.O.V

We arrived in the forest where the gnome sightings mainly were. We proceeded to look for gnomes. Mabel acted how she normally would but when no one was talking to her she would be frowning and looking at the ground. That was unlike her.

We were searching for a solid 15 minutes.

Then Grunkle Ford whispered to me and Mabel, "Kids, come over here, I spotted some gnomes."

Sure enough, there were some gnomes. There were about 4 and they were building something. It wasn't like machine building, more like with sticks. They had the same outfit Mabels "gnome boyfriend" wore when they "kidnapped" her. Then I realized, they were just making their experiment better.

One of the gnomes said, "We are almost done with the project. Since Mabel refused to be our queen we'll just have to look for a new one."

I don't get why gnomes want a queen. I mean a queen is a female leader. Why not a guy leader? Or why not a gnome leader? Another thing I don't get is the way they try to get a girl to be their queen. They become their boyfriend?! I don't know how logic works for a gnome's brain, but it sure isn't normal.

I looked over at Mabel. She actually looked interested in the gnomes which I found to be weird. Don't get me wrong, I love Mabel, but she isn't really the serious type. She normally will be throwing glitter in the air or bedazzling a tree. This Mabel looked like she had never touched glitter or gems in her life. But maybe it was just cause these guys were her "boyfriend" right?

I then looked back at the gnomes. They looked up, not where we were, but somewhere else. One of them gasped and said, "COYOTE! RUN!"

Of course the three of us turned our heads where the gnome pointed, and indeed, it was a coyote. We were just kids and stuff, we couldn't really outrun a coyote. But that's if it chased us. Then Grunkle Ford whipsered, "Don't move."

We remained frozen. The coyote came towards our direction and was looking directly at us. I think by then Grunkle Ford knew the coyote was going to come for us so he yelled, "Quick! Find a tree and climb up it!"

We all dashed to look for trees. Grunkle Ford pointed at a tree that me and Mabel could climb. We ran to the tree. I lifted up Mabel and she helped me up as well. We were climbing when I realized Grunkle Ford wasn't climbing the same tree. I looked around and found him waving in a different tree. When we locked eyes, he lifted his index finger over his mouth, signaling us to stay quiet. We did.

After about 10 minutes the coyote decided to search for the gnomes. He left and we were still in the tree. It was starting to get dark. Just cause the coyote left, doesn't mean it won't come back, so we proceeded to stay in the trees for another 10 minute. Then Grunkle Ford told us to stay in the tree as he got down and looked around. He said the coast was clear, and told us we could come down. By then he went to where the gnomes were, finding a piece of a gnome hat.

Mabel and I started climbing down the tree. Now that I thought about it, Mabel had said nothing this whole trip. I wanted to break the awkward silence as we were climbing down and said, "Close one huh? What'd you think?"

She said, "Not the worst thing we've experienced."

She said it so bland. Normal Mabel would have said, "That was soooo cool! What if we didn't make it to the trees in time? What if you fell? That was epic!"

We were almost to the bottom. Mabel was climbing below me, when a twig I stepped on broke and skidded her arm. She didn't scream like loud, but still screamed in pain. That was weird again. Sure it can kinda hurt when you skid your arm against a branch, but this was a twig and kinda barely touched her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah, it only scraped me. I'm just kinda shaken up from the whole coyote thing ya know?"

I guess that was reasonable. She could've been startled thinking it was the coyote... I guess?

I still asked, "Can I see where it scraped you?"

Her body stiffened as if the thought of me seeing her arm would cause death in a person's life.

"No." She almost instantly replied. "It was just a scrape, no big deal."

"If it's no big deal, then it wouldn't be a big deal for me to see."

"I'm fine Dipper."

"That's good, I still wanna see."

"When we get home you can, fair enough?"

"Fine."

We then went over to Grunkle Ford. He said we should be heading back, because it was starting to get dark, and being in the woods when it's dark is the worst decision in a horror movie.

Mabel's P.O.V

Wow we just escaped the clutches of a coyote. Dipper and I were climbing down the tree, becuase Grunkle Ford had instructed us to. He said he found no sight of the coyote and it was safe. Dipper let me go climb down first. Probably a "ladys first" situation, but in this case I'd say the man should go first. Not that I cared though, so I began to climb down.

There was an awkward silence going as we climbed down, as the only sound was our feet stepping on the branches. Dipper broke the silence and said, "Close one huh? What'd you think?"

What did I think? I didn't exacly think much of it at the time to be honest. I was mostly thinking about my mistake. My selfishness. The whole thing was kinda a blur to me. The best reply I could come up with was, "Not the worst thing we've experienced."

 _Wow. Really Mabel? Best thing you could say? If you don't want Dipper to know about your mood change at what you're doing, you have to make yourself not look suspicious. You have to at least act happy._

But I'm not. These voices in my head aren't helping. How can I act as something I feel I've never been? I feel like happiness is something I've never experienced. Like my life is just filled with pain. Like my cutting is a daily routine.

I was deep in thought as I was climbing down the tree. Then something scraped my arm, exactly where a recent cut was. It was so sudden I couldn't help but let out a little scream. The thing that scraped me was a twig.

 _Dipper's gonna be so suspicious now..._

The voices were once again right, as Dipper seemed startled from my small scream.

He then asked, "Are you okay?"

Oh no. I already have been acting strange, I can tell. I needed to respond, but it had to have some reason in the response. It couldn't be like, "It hurt," cause who knows if he'd ask to see it. I then replied with what I thought was a response that made some sense.

"Yeah, it only scraped me. I'm just kinda shaken up from the whole coyote thing ya know?"

It looked as if he bought it, cause his face changed to where it was a bit more relaxed.

He pressed on a little more though, and asked, "Can I see where it scraped you?"

That felt like a nightmare come true. If I let him see, I'd have to lift up my sleeve, and reveal my cuts and scars. And I know Dipper wouldn't be happy

"No." I almost instantly replied. I know it made me look even more suspicious, but if Dipper found out, I don't know how I'd handle it. I then knew I had to add something to it to take away a little bit of the weirdness with my last reply. "It was just a scrape, no big deal."

However, he pressed on more, as if my second comment made it worse. "If it's no big deal, then it wouldn't be a big deal for me to see."

"I'm fine Dipper."

Yet he kept pressing on... "That's good, I still wanna see."

I knew Dipper. At this point he wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. I had to think of something. I remembered I still had some makeup left from the last sleepover with Candy and Grenda. I could cover up the scars and cuts... So I decided to somewhat compromise, and I said, "When we get home you can, fair enough?"

"Fine."

Thank goodness. Now I had to buy myself time at home, but that was the least of my worries. I knew Dipper wouldn't forget. We then walked over to Grunkle Ford. He had found a piece of gnome and wanted to study it to see if it was made of clay or something else. He then said we should head on home as the sun was setting and slowly disappearing from view. We headed on our way home.

On the way, many thoughts rang in my head. But there was one thought that stood out over the others. One that worried me the most.

 _How are you gonna pull this off?_


	4. Is Pulling This Off Possible?

Mabel's P.O.V

I was so nervous. Here we are, arriving at the mystery shack. I know Dipper hasn't forgotten about letting him see my arm because he's been keeping a close eye on me. We then go inside. Dipper asks to see, and I say after I use the bathroom.

I get into the bathroom and open the cabinet. Thank goodness my makeup bag was in here. I hurried up and got the foundation, concealer, and contour out. I started with foundation, going over it with concealer. I chose my right arm because Dipper didn't know which one the twig hit and my right arm had less cuts.

I finish and it looks pretty good to me. For five minutes in the bathroom, I sure made good use of my time. Unless you know where each cut is, you can't see it. I'm pretty proud of myself as I realize this might work. I proceed to make a tiny cut on my arm to make it look like thats where the twig hit.

I get out and go to my room, where Dipper was. I could tell he was waiting for me, because he was staring at the door waiting for me to come in.

He says, "Okay let's see it."

"Like I said it's not that big of a deal, but okay," I replied.

I lift up my sleeve, and it doesn't look bad. Just a tiny scrape that I made. He scans my whole arm though, and finds nothing unusual. I inwardly sigh, because I know he thinks I was telling the truth.

Many people think twins have that sixth sense to detect if the other is lying. I'm not sure if it totally is true, but right now I'd believe it. Dipper eyed me suspiciously, somewhat knowing I was hiding something. The thought of Dipper finding out scared me severely. I don't know what would become of me if he found out. That's why he can't.

I guess he somewhat eventually buys it, as he says, "I'm gonna watch the new episode of Duck-tective. Meet me down in 15 minutes?"

At this point, saying no would kinda make me look like I was asking for suspicion. So I replied, "Sure. I'm gonna change out of this sweater, there's some tiny twigs in here that are scratching me."

He says okay, and goes downstairs. I was off the makeup, because I don't think its a good thing to cover up cuts with makeup. Anyways after that I lay down on my bed. 10 minutes more of alone time. 10 minutes of me sulking in my guilt.

I then got off my bed and lifted the sheet covering underneath it. I take out my small box and take out the blade.

 _You can do one cut. You can wash it off in 5 minutes. Dipper wouldn't suspect a thing._

I take the blade and push it into my right arm this time, because my left was pretty covered up with cuts. I'd cut one arm for about a week until I ran out of spots. Id then cut the other while the others somewhat healed. Sometimes it was better to cut into already cut parts, as the pain would be twice as bad. In my case, the more pain, the better.

I felt like I was somewhat drifting from reality though. Like there was so much pain in my life, that I was starting to become numb to the cutting. I didn't feel nearly as much pain cutting into my arm. With dissatisfaction, I cut more, hoping to get more pain. Still numb.

I lift up the sleeve to my left arm and cut into a scab. Pain surged through my body. If cutting didn't make me feel pain, I would take an eraser and rub it against myself super hard, until my skin was red and kinda bleeding. That was pain that didn't come immediately, but eventually. I was still cutting, when I heard footsteps.

Coming upstairs...

My heart raced as I realized they were Dippers. I started to recognize whose footsteps were whose, because I had to hide so many times. They'd come in my room, and I'd see who it was. So these light footsteps couldn't be Grunkle Ford or Stan. Wendy and Soos weren't here. That meant the one person I especially didn't want to know about my cutting was most likely about to find out.

I had no time of hiding the blades AND covering my cuts. All I could do was shove the blades back in the box, and throw it under my bed. Dipper was talking, and his voice was getting louder, because he was getting closer. I then yanked my sleeves down my arms, praying Dipper wouldn't find out.

Dipper's P.O.V

So the good news is Mabel's arm is okay. We're about to watch Duck-tective. I was in the kitchen making popcorn. My chest and back area were getting itchy. I realized there were little twigs in my shirt, scraping me. Not painful scraped, just poking scrapes. I decided to get a new shirt quickly.

I went upstairs. It had been about 10 minutes since I saw Mabel's arm. That meant 5 minutes left. I began walking up the stairs, when I heard a sudden movement. So fast, as if there were something Mabel were doing, or something she was hiding from me.

"Mabel? You okay?" I ask.

No response.

I go up and into the room. She seems fine. Shes kinda shocked looking, as if I had just entered the lady's restroom.

"I need a new shirt. Duck-tective is ready."

"I'll be down soon," she said with a shaky reply.

"You've been acting weird since Weirdmageddon. You okay?" I ask

"Y-yeah." She stuttered.

"What's wrong Mabel?" I ask again.

"Dipper I said nothing," she says again.

I notice something seeping through the sleeve of her sweater. It's red... what would be re-...

"Mabel, you're arm's bleeding." I say

She turns as white as a ghost. What is going on? Since when have we hidden secrets from each other?

"Yeah, the spot where the twig cut my tor open, I'm fine I'll wash it off now."

"Mabel, show me your arm," I insist.

"No," she says

"Sorry Mabes, there's no way out for you this time. Show me your arm." I say.

She has a defeated look. She knows I won't stop until I see. Our eyes lock. I see many emotions as I feel like I'm staring into her soul. She's hurt, tired, in pain, but what shows most, is the fear in her eyes.

Slowly, she moves her arm to the end of her sleeve. She slowly begins to lift the sleeve. I start to see a little bit of blood trickle down her arm. At this point, I definitely know she's hiding something from me. There's no way a twig could have done this.

She finally lifts her whole sleeve up. My eyes widen. Of all the things I was preparing myself to see, this was not on my list.


	5. He knows

Dippers P.O.V

All across Mabel's arm were cuts and scars. I may be a kid, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand Mabels been hurting herself. Maybe even contemplating suicide. At least she is still alive... still here...

"How long have you been doing this?" I ask. Based on the scars, it's been at least a few weeks because cuts have to heal.

"Ever since Weirdmageddon," she says.

That's why she's been acting weird. I knew something happened. I just don't know what. But whatever it is that's causing the root of Mabel's pain has to die. I can't stand to see her like this. So broken. So defeated. So hopeless. She looks like she thinks I'll scold her for not cutting deeper or something.

As I think about all of it, a sudden question within me rises up. "Why?"

"I just... Dipper Weirdmageddon was all my fault," she replies, "I've been swimming in my own guilt and I know I deserve it. I caused it. I caused people to go crazy and Bill to rule the world. Even if he isn't anymore, I caused it. And then, I had to be saved. Like I'm so innocent or something and everything has to be given to me. I gave Bill the rift so summer could 'last forever'. How should I feel? I only care about myself."

"Mabel that's not true. When we needed unicorn hair, you were the first to volunteer to get it," I respond, hoping she gets the point.

"But that's different Dipper! Again I wanted to meet a unicorn. I only did it because of what I want," she answers.

That didn't exactly help... another thought hit me.

"Okay, but what about Soos' birthday? You didn't hesitate to go through all the challenges to get him that gift so he could see his dad. What about when Robbie was heartbroken? You even helped him, when he was a total jerk. You're not a bad person Mabel, I know it. I can tell you anything. I can do anything with you. We're the mystery twins! You're the last piece to my puzzle. If you died... I don't know what I would do." I said.

I hoped I got my point across. I had many voice cracks. I felt like crying, but if I did I'm not sure how Mabel would react. She might think she hurt me more and would cut more often. I couldn't cry, Mabel needed me to be strong.

There was a long silence in the room. Knowing Mabel wouldn't say anything I said something.

"Okay, I'm gonna ask some questions. I want honest answers okay?" I asked

She nodded in response. Hopefully this ends well...

Mabel's P.O.V

He knows... oh God he knows... There I stood, my sleeve lifted up, leaving my arm completely exposed to Dippers view. I knew there was no point in arguing with Dipper. He had a determined look in his face. I was waiting for him to scold me. Call me stupid for cutting. Say it's pointless.

Instead, he said, "How long have you been doing this?"

"Ever since Weirdmageddon," I say. I'm too ashamed to add anything. I just look down at the ground. I can't meet his gaze. I can tell what Dipper is thinking when I look into his eyes. Maybe that twin 6th sense thing is right. But at the moment, I definitely didn't want to know what Dipper was feeling.

He then asks a question, that, again, shocks me. "Why?"

I didn't really know how to respond to that.

Because I feel like an utter disgrace and a disappointment. Because I feel like a failure.

But, at this point, the truth was out. And I wasn't going to lie to him anymore. "I just... Dipper Weirdmageddon was all my fault. I've been swimming in my own guilt and I know I deserve it. I caused it. I caused people to go crazy and Bill to rule the world. Even if he isn't anymore, I caused it. And then, I had to be saved. Like I'm so innocent or something and everything has to be given to me. I gave Bill the rift so summer could 'last forever'. How should I feel? I only care about myself."

Dipper was thinking hard about what I said. Then he replied, "Mabel that's not true. When we needed unicorn hair, you were the first to volunteer to get it,"

Absolute lies. I only did that because I thought unicorns were the best animal to ever exist on the entire face of the planet. I was wrong by the way. So I said, "But that's different Dipper! Again I wanted to meet a unicorn. I only did it because of what I want,"

Again, he took my words into deep consideration. Then Dipper said, "Okay, but what about Soos' birthday? You didn't hesitate to go through all the challenges to get him that gift so he could see his dad. What about when Robbie was heartbroken? You even helped him, when he was a total jerk. You're not a bad person Mabel, I know it. I can tell you anything. I can do anything with you. We're the mystery twins! You're the last piece to my puzzle. If you died... I don't know what I would do."

I didn't know what to say. I felt dumbfounded as I thought Dipper had always wanted me gone. I was speechless. All this time I felt it would be better if I was dead. If I wasn't in Dippers life. The voices came back in my head at that point.

He just doesn't want to have to tell your gruntled about it.

He pity's you

He doesn't mean it

This time, I decided to listen to Dipper though, and not to the voices. To my surprise, when I thought that thought and shut out the voices, they actually stopped.

Maybe this will work out after all...

After a long moment of silence, Dipper finally broke it. He said, "Okay, I'm gonna ask some questions. I want honest answers okay?"

I felt as if my throat were dry, and I couldn't speak. I felt as if I had gone 40 days without water and needed to quench my thirst. I felt as if talking were no longer a possibility. So I nodded.

My next thought was,

After I get some water.


	6. Recovery

Dippers P.O.V

Me and Mabel both sat on our beds in our room across from each other. Mabel had just washed her arm and I made sure it wasn't infected. (I'm not a doctor but I know what an infected wound looks like. How to treat it... not so much.)

Then it was time for serious talk.

"Mabel, why haven't you told me?" I asked.

"I thought you'd be mad." She said. She wasn't meeting my gaze, so I could tell she thought I was disappointed in her or something.

"Mabel, I'd never be mad. If anything I'm mad I didn't find out, you may think I'm disappointed in you, but I'm more disappointed in myself. You're my twin. Maybe the whole twin sixth sense thing isn't true, but for the most part I know when something's wrong. I had a feeling something was wrong but I didn't take the time to ask. I'm sorry."

She looked kinda shocked. Not shocked where she's gasping, but in her eyes shocked. I can kind of tell the emotions going through her when I see her eyes. Whether she's looking at me or not, I can tell. And right now I can tell she's shocked.

"It's not your fault Dipper. It's not like I was open about the whole thing and anyone could have seen it. I made sure to hide it from people. Especially you. I made sure to not hang out with you as much for the fear of you finding out. As you can see, I was right in the sense that you'd find out that way. I basically knew you'd find out, I just hoped it wasn't when I was doing it."

"So then how long do you think it would have gone on?" I asked

She took a little bit of time to think about it. I knew she hadn't actually thought about when it would stop, more like when it wouldn't help her emotional pain anymore.

"I don't know. If I'm being honest, I only did it for the pain. I didn't do it because I actually wanted to entirely die. I think I'm kind of afraid to die. I'm afraid of what will become of me. I'm afraid I'll never see you guys again. I probably would have kept doing it until the pain became so normal that I could just stop without gaining anything."

I know it's a hard subject for her to talk about. She had many good points though, which I wish she didn't in this case. Self harm is no joke. It has to be taken seriously. I don't really know how to deal with this, but I'm trying.

I then wonder, what does she use to hurt herself? A knife from the kitchen? A broken piece of glass? What?

So I ask, "Where do you keep the knives you use to cut yourself?"

Mabel's P.O.V

Dipper just asked where I keep my knives. They're not knives, they're blades. But I decide to show him rather than tell him that. I hop off my bed and lift up my covers. I proceed to lift up the broken piece of the wooden floor. I feel too ashamed to take out the box though, so I just sit there, staring at it.

By then Dipper is already by my side. I think he takes the hint that I don't want to get it, because he reaches in and grabs it. He then proceeds to look at it, probably wondering if he's ever seen the box. I got it after Weirdmageddon so I know he doesn't know.

He then opens it, and slowly takes out its contents. I shudder when he pulls out the blades. One has dried, crusted blood, while the other has sticky blood from my recent cut. He scans the knives, takes out the picture and just looks at it.

It was one of the pictures before Weirdmageddon and I can tell he remembers. It was when we saved Waddles. I was so happy because of that. He gently puts the picture down, then again takes out the blades.

He then says, "Are these the tips of the knives from Soos' drywall knife?"

I nod. I don't feel like speaking.

"It's okay to talk Mabel. I wont judge anything you say. Trust me, I know this situation is serious and that's how I'll handle it. I wont make fun of you, _I promise_ ," he says.

That sort of comforted me.

I then say, "I didn't want to take something of Grunke Stan's, cause knowing him and how he loves money, he would notice anything missing. So I didn't want to take one of his knives, in fear of him finding out and asking."

He registers what I say, then responds with, "I'm going to take and keep these blades right now. I'm keeping them for a reason, that later hopefully you'll thank me for."

"Okay," I say.

He takes them and walks out of the room saying, "I'll be right back."

I sit on my bed, alone again. I already know Dipper is going to hide the blades. It couldn't entirely stop me though, because if I wanted to, I could just get more. But Dipper isn't dumb, I know he's going to keep me under his surveillance.

He comes back in with a screw gun and four screws. I can already tell what he's doing. He walks over to my bed, with the covers already lifted, and grabs the broken piece of the floor. He pushed it in its place, and screws the four corners in.

With the screeching sound of the screw going into the wood, it reminded me of myself. I wanted to see the positive side of things now, since I know the chance of me cutting again probably wont happen with overprotective Dipper.

The sound it makes remind me of myself. Annoying to many at first, cause I'm loud and obnoxious, but in the end, there for a purpose. Now maybe that's not every screws intention, but it holds things together. Right now I felt as if Dipper was holding my life together.

Maybe at the end of it, I would be like that screw. I leave a mark, and keep things together. I know that if I do stop though, I wont forget the experience. That's like the little sawdust from it. Like the emotional and physical scars left behind.

Once Dipper's done, he puts the screw gun back. He comes back in and sits on his bed. He sighs, then says, "We have a lot to talk about. First off, I thought of a way to try and help you stop cutting. Do you have more reasons to cut, or more not to cut?"

I never actually thought of the reasons not to cut other than Dipper. But my family and friends are the only reason I am living. So I'm pretty sure I have more reasons to cut, so I answer, "More to cut."

"Okay, here's what I want you to do," he replies, "I want you to write down one hundred reasons not to cut. It could be because of people, or things you wouldn't do anymore if you were gone. Then, anytime you think about cutting, read it."

That seemed like a pretty smart idea.

"All right," I reply. I feel like this might actually work. I don't know why I've been blessed with such an awesome twin, but when this is over, I'm gonna be sure to thank him.

He hands me a notebook and pen. He sits on his bed, now reading his book. I can tell he won't leave until I'm done, so I start writing. I make sure to write the date and my name, so I can hopefully go back to this and look at my success. I then write the topic of the sheet.

 _100 Reasons_


	7. 100 Reasons

Mabel's P.O.V

I've been writing down my reasons to live for a solid 15 minutes. I have surprisingly listed 88 right now. Thinking of it, I'd never thought of all the reasons to live. Not until I started this. Thinking of what I'm writing makes me smile. A real smile.

I finally put the pen down 5 minutes later, as I'm done. I read it to myself.

 _100 Reasons_

 _1.) Dipper_

 _2.) Grunkle Stan_

 _3.) Grunkle Ford_

 _4.) Soos_

 _5.) Wendy_

 _6.) Waddles_

 _7.) Candy_

 _8.) Grenda_

 _9.) I won't be able to listen to Sev'ral Timez again if I were gone._

 _10.) I couldn't wear my favorite sweaters anymore._

 _11.) I couldn't solve mysteries with Dipper._

 _12.) I won't meet the boy of my dreams._

 _13.) I won't be able to joke around with Dipper._

 _14.) I wouldn't be able to help others._

 _15.) I couldn't do another May May and the Hogg mashup with Waddles._

 _16.) I couldn't get the $500 giant bubble._

 _17.) I couldn't go swimming again._

 _18.) I couldn't build another snowman._

 _19.) I couldn't have another snow ball fight._

 _20.) I wouldn't make another puppet show._

 _21.) I don't know what would become of me if I die._

 _22.) People do care._

 _23.) It would hurt those around me._

 _24.) I couldn't show Pacifica that silly is a nice style._

 _25.) Dipper wouldn't have someone to talk to._

 _26.) I'd be worrying those around me._

 _27.) I'd never have the comfort of sleeping in until 1 pm again._

 _28.) I wouldn't have anymore sleepovers._

 _29.) Me, Candy, and Grenda couldn't play truth or dare again._

 _30.) I'd never meet my friends' dream boys._

 _31.) I couldn't have another dance off._

 _32.) I would probably forget the best memories I have._

 _33.) I still have my whole life ahead of me._

 _34.) I'd never be able to drive._

 _35.) I'd never convince my grunkles to get me a dog._

 _36.) I couldn't save kittens from trees._

 _37.) I'd never have another sugar overload._

 _38.) I'd never see another episode of Girl Why You Actin' so Cray-Cray_

 _39.) I'd never see another episode of Ducktective._

 _40.) I'd never go to high school._

 _41.) I'd never go to college._

 _42.) I'd never graduate again._

 _43.) I'd never marry my soulmate._

 _44.) I'd never have kids of my own._

 _45.) I'd never see a real shooting star._

 _46.) I'd never smell freshly baked cookies again._

 _47.) I'd never travel the world._

 _48.) I'd never feel the warmth of sunshine on my skin._

 _49.) I'd never see the smiles on people's faces._

 _50.) I'd never make people laugh again._

 _51.) I'd never get to bedazzle things._

 _52.) I'd never get to scrapbook again._

 _53.) I'd never get to decorate a Christmas tree._

 _54.) I'd never make Soos be a disco light again._

 _55.) I'd never watch another movie that just came out in the movie theaters._

 _56.) I'd never bounce on a trampoline again._

 _57.) I'd never have ice cream again._

 _58.) I'd never have pizza again._

 _59.) I'd never be kissed by a puppy again._

 _60.) I'd never make things out of the clouds._

 _61.) I'd never eat candy again._

 _62.) I'd never get new clothes again._

 _63.) I'd never find out if I'd stay a millimeter taller than Dipper._

 _64.) I'd never hear the rain hitting the roof again._

 _65.) I'd never attempt to bake something again._

 _66.) I'd never have another water balloon fight._

 _67.) I'd never chase fireflies again._

 _68.) I'd never catch lightning bugs again._

 _69.) I'd never celebrate me and Dippers birthday again._

 _70.) I'd never celebrate any of my friends' birthdays again._

 _71.) I'd never have another bonfire._

 _72.) I'd never eat another s'more._

 _73.) I'd never experience the change of the seasons._

 _74.) I'd never see the different colors of the tree in Autumn._

 _75.) I'd never see the snow fall for the first time of the year._

 _76.) I'd never see the flowers start to bloom._

 _77.) I'd never sing songs at the top of my lungs with my friends._

 _78.) I'd never share secrets with people again._

 _79.) I'd never go to be beach._

 _80.) I'd never go on another road trip._

 _81.) I'd never share another inside joke with my friends._

 _82.) I'd never experience another thunderstorm._

 _83.) I'd never be alive to see the world become a better place._

 _84.) I'd never taste my favorite food again._

 _85.) I'd never see another sunrise._

 _86.) I'd never see another sunset._

 _87.) I'd never complete another milestone in life._

 _88.) I'd never get a job._

 _89.) I'd never hug someone again._

 _90.) No one can be me._

 _91.) Someone out there is praying to meet me._

 _92.) I'm only temporarily feeling down._

 _93.) Tomorrow is a new day._

 _94.) I have the chance to save someone's life, even if it's my own._

 _95.) I'm perfect to somebody._

 _96.) I'm worth more than what I think._

 _97.) I'd never have another cup of hot chocolate in the winter._

 _98.) This is a decision that once done cannot be changed._

 _99.) I'd never dance in the rain again._

 _100.) Life does get better._

I felt proud. I had finally done it. I never had the intention to kill myself, but I don't know how much blood loss could lead me to pass out or something. So making this list helps me to know I won't cut. I have many things to live for. Even if it's not to live for, it's things that make me happy.

When I was done, I looked to Dipper. He was smiling at me. #49. His smile comforted me so much. His smile showed me that he really was proud. That he really did care. That he really wanted me here.

I know now, that if I were to cut and Dipper found out, it would be as if I cut him. I never thought there was anyone who cared. That's because I've never let anyone try. I've never told anyone. I've never wanted to be looked at as weak, or to be pitied.

But sitting here, seeing Dipper smile, he knows that I can overcome this. A part of me tells me the same thing. As long as Dipper is Here, I can make it. I have him to live for.

He takes the notebook and slowly fold the paper over the dotted lining, and then slowly tears the sheet out.

He hands it to me and says, "Here, take it. I want you to keep it. The chances of you happening to get a knife or something is small, but know that if you ever feel like life isn't worth living, read this. Read the reasons to live. Know the people you hurt by hurting yourself."

I'm crying now, and normally I would think Dipper would call me stupid for crying. Yet at a time like this, he too understands, and he more like praises me. Maybe it's because I'm finally letting my emotions out and not bottling them in. One things for sure, I definitely let that bottle spill.

"Thank you Dipper," I reply, "You don't know how much this means to me. I thought no one cared. Now I know that at least you do, and probably Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford. Can you do me a favor, though?"

He nodded

"Don't tell anyone else. I know it's better if they know, but I don't feel like I can handle it. Can it just stay between us? And maybe, just maybe, in the future, we'll tell them. But when we do tell them in the future, we'll be telling them how I overcame this. Okay?"

He was starting to cry now. He cares. Again he nodded.

"Now, should we watch that Ducktective episode?" I asked.

"You bet!" He replied.

He started to walk out the room, when I went up to him and gave him the biggest bear hug ever.

"Thank you, Dipper," I whispered in his ear.

"No problem, sis," he replied, "Just know that I'm always here for you. If you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears."

"I know that now," I said, "thanks."

He then walked out of the room, probably going to make new popcorn, cause it's always better when it's just made.

I looked out the triangular shaped window in our room, and whispered to myself,

 _"You're gonna make it."_


	8. 1 Month Later

1 Month Later

Dipper's P.O.V

It's been a month since I found Mabel cutting herself, and I'm beyond happy to say she hasn't done it since. She thanks me every day for helping her. I'm just glad she stopped.

We agreed to not tell Grunkle Stan or Grunkle Ford. She said unless she felt they must know, she'd tell them. But she didn't see that time coming soon, so just keep it a secret.

As for her arms though, the scars have surprisingly been barely visible. I bought scar gel for her and made sure she used it daily. She has and continues to do so, and it's really helping. Having those scars there aren't just physical scars for her, but emotional ones.

I had something planned for us to do today. I think Mabel's ready for it. We're going to the lake in 10 minutes, just me and her. I've told her that this is very important, and I'm pretty sure she understands that now.

I don't think she knows what it's about, which is good. I hoped one day she'd be ready to do this, and I think that after all this recovery and healing, she is ready.

Mabel's P.O.V

Me and Dipper are walking to the lake. He said today was an important day and he wanted me to go to the lake with him. Of course I said yes. He brought his backpack though, which I find to be a little strange. I shrugged it off for now though. Maybe we'd be fishing?

This past month, me and Dipper have been stuck together as if we've been superglued. Mainly because I don't want to be alone and want to talk to Dipper, and mainly because he keeps watch on me.

Luckily though, he has calmed down a bit. Cutting was the biggest regret in my life, and I know I'm never going to do it again. I'm just curious as to what we are doing here at the lake.

"So," I ask as I kick a rock, "What are we doing here?"

"Mabel," he replies, "Today might be one of the biggest days of your life so far. I know this past month had been hard for you, but you pulled through. I know you're done with cutting, and I couldn't be anymore happier because of that."

He picks up a rock and skids it across the lake.

Then he says, "You didn't let it consume you. You didn't let it change you. You didn't let it destroy you. However, I think there's one more thing that has to be fixed."

He takes off his backpack, and unzips it. He doesn't take anything out yet. He looks me dead in the eyes.

"I've kept these ever since I found out," he says as he pulls something out.

A shiver runs through me as I see what he pulls out. It's my box. My _old_ box. My box that I don't use anymore. My box that held my knives.

He opens it, and takes out the knives. "Now, I know it's technically illegal to throw stuff into the lake, but I'm making an exception. This is the last thing I feel like you should let go of."

He hands me the blades, then says, "Throw them in the lake, with all your might, and watch them sink. Think of it as all the pain going with it. All to where you throw it out of your life and never see it again."

I'm still surprised he has these. I then smile. These things used to control me. I used to think they defined me.

"You know," I said, "I used to think these were my only friends. I used to think this was my only way of happiness. Of drowning out the emotional pain. Now I know, I was wrong. Sure, they left a mark. But thanks to you, it's healing. As am I. I may have scars, but I don't look at them and think of how stupid I was. I look at them and smile, because I know I stopped. I know I beat this. Whatever it was. I had these voices in my head that told me I was nothing. That nobody cared. But the moment I was brought back into reality, I saw how wrong they were. I wouldn't have made it without you, Dipper. Thank you."

He's smiling again. We've cried so many times the past month, we're used to it. I take the blades and I throw one, and boy, does it go far.

It is sinking, and I imagine those voices on a string attached to it. Being dragged down with it. You can't hear someone underwater very well if you're at the surface. The deeper it goes, the less I hear it.

I throw the next one, and it goes far too. With that one I imagine the guilt being dragged down. All the pain that I put on myself. All the blame and guilt I was dealing with alone, I know I'll never have to again.

I used to think I was alone. Now I know I'm not. We go back to the shack. For some reason, whenever an item is dropped in the bottomless pit it doesn't come back.

Sure, we came back, but I've dropped a million things in before and if it's a wormhole of some sort and time doesn't pass then that's wrong. Because I've been there for at least 20 minutes when I've dropped something and nothing's shown back up.

Maybe it's just the laws of physics and only humans come back. So I come up with an idea.

"Dipper," I say, "Give me your backpack."

He takes it off his back, and without questioning me, hands it to me. I take out the box. I walk over to the bottomless pit, he follows.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Every time an item has been dropped in here, it's never came back. I never want to see this again." I say as I throw it into the pit.

"Come on," Dipper says, "Let's go inside the shack. You wanna play a game of Indoor Mini Golf?"

"You better believe it!" I reply.

It's not easy to stop cutting. Once someone helps, gives you the best advice, and is nothing but there for you, then it's easier. That doesn't mean it's easy overall, just easier.

If I could talk to the voices, here's what I'd say:

 _Dear Voices in my head,_

 _You thought you could beat me. You thought you could win. Let me tell you, when I was blinded but guilt, pain, and self-hatred, I would've agreed with you. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I have the best twin brother ever. His name is Dipper. He's helped me through my struggles and shown me what to live for. The more I listened to him, the more I shut you out. I'm not blinded anymore. I can't change the past, but I can be prepared for whatever lies ahead. And staying in the past won't help. When I shut you out, I saw something. More like someone. I saw someone who cared. Someone who wasn't just willing to tell me hey loved me, but show me. That's Dipper. He never gave up on me. He watched me like a hawk and listened when I needed to talk. You lost. I won. Nothing you can say will make me listen anymore. Nothing you do can change that. I'm glad you're out of my life. I'm glad you sank to the bottom of the lake. I never want to hear you again. I overcame you. I stopped. You may have taken many lives, but you didn't, can't, and won't take mine. I've got too much to live for. A part of me used to think that you were a part of me. That you were my conscience telling me to kill myself. I know that's what you wanted me to believe, and many others. If there was one thing I could say to anyone contemplating suicide, I'd say this._

 _You are special. Life is worth living. You're only temporarily down, so don't make a choice that can't be changed. Don't harm yourself. The people around you do care. You wouldn't be hurting just yourself, but also them if you committed suicide. There is no satisfaction in dying. If there really is a heaven and hell, then that's eternal. That's the rest of your life that is countless. So live out the life on earth now, because compared to eternity, it's nothing. It's a once in a lifetime experience you get to live out. Take it from me, I used to think I was weird for being loud and obnoxious to some. Now, I don't see it as weird. I see it as unique. Nothing about you is weird. Nothing about you is different. It's unique. It's something you have, that no one else does. It's something that you do, that no one else does. You can't spell unique without u. Please don't end your life. It's not worth it._

 _ **-Mabel**_


End file.
